My, How You've Grown

Apparently, I'm not the only one who's been busy! Get-a-load-a-this, folks!

June 3rd, 2009

June 28th, 2009
(After re-potting)

A Jew Walks Into A Bar...

Sadly, I'm just running out to dinner, so have no time to comment on this GEM of a find.

Génial.

V for...?

A couple of months ago I noticed a big, bold letter V on the sidewalk that I was cruising down. I paused for a moment and wondered what it meant, but was quickly distracted by some stranger's boots as she passed by me (thank you undiagnosed ADD), and so off I went, leaving the V behind me.
But then a few weeks later, again, a V stamped right there in front of my feet! Hmmm...am I on the same block? Is this the same V?, I thought to myself.
Well, no, it wasn't the same block and it wasn't the same V and by now I've seen them all over the place. From Spring street all the way up to 125th and Morningside. There are letter V's sprinkled all over this fair city of ours and no one seems to have even the slightest clue as to what they are doing here.
This lack of intelligence begs a few questions, such as...
Are Big Bird, Elmo and the rest of the Sesame Street gang behind this elaborate alphabet refresher course?
Could the aliens be marking our streets like they did the PeruVian mountains with their nifty little Nazca Lines?
Is Natalie Portman's shaVed head about to jump out from a dark alley way and start a reVolution in her poorly executed english accent?
Well everyone, put your fears aside...I'm on the case! I'll get to the bottom of this one using my good looks, charm, wiley wit, and maybe a few tips from you - my beloved readers.
If you see a V, come talk to me.

Germination!

Despite all the odds against them (ie. the bi-polar "spring" weather we've had for the past few weeks), my little seedlings are showing signs of life!
Three cheers for urban, fire-escape, organic, can't-get-more-local local farming!

Hold Up Wait A Minute

Today, in the middle of electronically leafing through my guilty pleasure - "Hollywood Gossip" - I came upon this photograph.
I have one question for everyone out there : The "girl" in the ugly blue dress over there...she's a man, right?

For a better look at her definite man hands, click here.

Beware : "She" is like the sun...that sh*t buuuuurrrrnnnss if you look for too long. Fiyah.

Because I Love You

O-B-A-M-A = Smiling, Smiling, Smiling, Mid-Speech, Smiling Obamas

There's an Obama Font. Barack's faces up there - yeah, they spell out "OBAMA" in Obama Language. I wonder if the CIA will start using this as some sort of patriotic, hard-to-crack code. Hopefully not, now that I've spilled the beans.
Get your Obama Font Here.

BeSquirreled

I jacked this clip from another blog...sorry other blog (youwildin.blogspot.com)...it was just too good! If you haven't already seen it, enjoy. If you have already seen it, you know why I had to take it.



Related childhood clip, via The Sword And The Stone -

All You Need Is A Rake And Hoe And A Piece Of Fertile Ground

On a more personal note -
The spring is here (finally!) so I've decided to sow and grow myself a garden on my lovely little fire escape. Ahhh, urban life...it can be so charming.
Let's see what happens.

Forget About Swine Flu - Let's Get Drunk!

I like juice boxes - always have. They're unbeatable in the convenience department; small and compact, an easy to use straw function, and some sort of sweet nectar inside!
Well, now there are Wine Juice Boxes...sippy cups for adults. Three Thieves Bandit Wine is perfect for summer time (or any time, really). As my new friend at Best Cellars said, "They're perfect for walking around town with during the day - they look like protein shakes!"
AWESOME!
Enjoy and drink responsibly, kids.

Poladroid Android

Something inside of me died when I heard the sad news that Polaroid was discontinuing its Instant Camera. Long before the days of the sleek, pocket-sized digital cameras we shoot with now, the insta-camera was the only one that let us see our pictures within a few short minutes - it was a little bit of magic back then. And of course, there was the shaking...shake shake shake...and the way that the image just kinda crept up on the film before your eyes...aaaah, memories.
Unfortunately, the Polaroid days of yesteryear are gone and all we're left with are our teeny-tiny megapixel machines. I know, it's sad. But look what I found!!!! It's called Poladroid, and it's the next-best-thing. Download it and start retro-izing your iPhoto libraries today! Just don't shake your computers too much...trust me, it doesn't speed up the process and it just upsets MacBooks...I tried it.

I Can't Hear You

Having spent many occasions sitting around with - how can I say this politely - much older and much, much wiser people, I know how difficult it is to take part in conversations that quickly devolve into ones in which my more senior companions begin talking about two entirely separate topics.

We start out discussing the pros and cons of toaster ovens vs. regular toasters, and then all of a sudden one of them (let's say it's my Saba - Grandpa, for those not in the know - in this instance) is jabbering on about his tailor's return policies regarding custom made suits. Coincidentally, they are quite good - full refund if you're unhappy!

This usually happens completely unbeknownst to them though, as they usually can't hear a word the other one has said.

That's why this is such happy news! Some clever scientists in Israel - land of milk and honey and some very smart people who have clearly suffered through many Friday night dinners dealing with exactly the problem I've described above - have figured out a way to keep deafness at bay! Yay! (You like how that rhymed?)

Dreams Really Can Come True

Everyone loves an Oreo cookie - they're chocolate, they're vanilla, and they're creamy and crunchy - truly, an unbeatable treat. And, very much like the Reeses Peanut Buttercup, everybody has their own unique way of chowing down on one of these suckers. There's the twist, the dunk, the double decker creamwich...the list goes on.
I've always been a dunker, and I'm often fond of throwing an Oreo into a nice glass of milk and letting it swim around in there until it's totally soaked and crumbles into a million little delicious pieces which I can suck down once I've finished my Nabisco binge. It's like a hybrid McFlurry-Choco Milk. Try it next time, you'll like it, trust me.
Somebody at the Oreo factory came up with these Fun Stix Oreo STRAWS (!!), and that person deserves a fat raise - even in this economy.
A STRAW MADE OUT OF AN OREO, PEOPLE!!! DREAM - COME - TRUE!!!

Reunited And It Feels So Goooood

I know, I know - it's been a while...Well kids, things in Happienews.blogspot.com Land have been somewhat chaotic as of late...
On the menu we've had 1 week spent eating the early bird special dinner at 5pm with the elderly in Florida, 2 trips to the emergency room - 1 human sliced her finger open, and 1 dog had a spinal stroke (!), 1 state administered test to study for and take, and a whole other load of nutso things that won't be mentioned here.
Anyway, within the next couple of days, expect some great, tasty new posts...
On this menu we've got a VIP insider's tour of an Upper West Side Jewish Food Mecca, as well as an adventure with Officer Lefkowitz of the Miami - Dade Police force, and some other good news including Strokey McStroker's gradual recovery (!)
Keep your eyes peeled for the Happieness...

Ba Da Ba Ba Baaaa I'm Lovin' It

Pharrell acting a fool. You've gotta love the French.

Isaac Mizrahi NY...Dot Com

Ok...so I stole the material for this post from Sharon and Cristina's Blog...so sue me - it's not that big a deal. I was just too excited to not say something about this: Isaac Mizrahi has an amazing website, and I'm pretty sure I'll end up becoming obsessed with it in much the same way I became obsessed with his show on the Style network. He's got a video blog, a blog, little web-isodes, and an "Ask Isaac" section (yes, I asked him a question - it was about dog harnesses, and we'll see if I get a response).
He's won 4 CFDA awards, which is pretty incroyable if you ask me. Not bad for a Jewish boy Flatbush.

There's One In All Of Us

Turning the pages of "Where The Wild Things Are" at bedtime is a very solid memory I have from my childhood. I remember really loving that book and reading it quite often...I wanted to be King of the Wild Things too!
Well, I just pulled it off the book shelf after seeing the news that Spike Jonze is coming out with his own cinematic interpretation of the classic, and realized it's much shorter than I remember - kid gets in trouble, kid creates magic world, kid parties it up with the wild things, kid goes home.
This is exciting for one reason; Dave Eggers. What the book lacks in length, his screenplay is sure to make up for 10 fold. He's a serious genius. If you haven't read "A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius" (see, he really is a genius!), then you should, quickly. I met him once in a lesbian/gay/transgenered book shop (don't ask) in Madison, WI and had him sign a book for my mother. He was lovely and just ooozed intelligence, and of course wrote something terribly smart and witty for her.
It's definitly one of those movies that could go either way - Amazing or Awful. It's coming out in October 2009. Can't wait.

It's Sun-Earth Day I'm In Love (Sung To The Tune of "It's Friday I'm In Love")

A friend of mine sent this clip to me. After a day of viewing it over and over and over again (seriously, be careful, it's oddly hypnotic), I'm still not really sure what to make of it. There's definitely some creepy Dharma Initiative "Hello, I'm Dr. Wick, welcome to the Pearl Station" undertones in it, as well as some pretty f*cking amusing NASA humor mixed in there (we all knew the people working there have to be pretty bizarro, didn't we?).
The whole schtick has something to do with the promotion of
"Sun Earth Day", which similarly to what my favorite day - "Earth Day" does, tries to get us to appreciate the sun in all it's glory. To me this seems like a difficult task because the sun is kinda scary as far as I'm concerned, and the planet Earth just seems so friendly. But, because this video is so strange and I appreciate that, I'll try my hardest to love the sun on March 20th.



Thanks, Jonjon.

Dude's Got A Lot Of Pugs

I'm going to see Valentino : The Last Emperor this Thursday at my mom's insistence. She could not stop raving about it (I think she feels a kindred spirit in him on account of the many small dogs similarity). It's playing at The Film Forum from 3.18 - 3.31, and it's made by a Wesleyan alum. Isn't everything made by one of those kids these days? C'mon kids-from-other-schools...do something to impress me...let's wipe that smug grin off their faces!
(If you went to Wesleyan, and are my friend - as some of you are - please don't take that outburst seriously)
Ok, Valentino is the man. Enjoy.

"So, Why Is Being Gay So Out This Season?"

Some very lucky people got to see about 20 minutes of Sacha Baron Cohen's new Bruno movie, Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt, at the South By Southwest music festival a couple of days ago. And, as we all could have guessed, it's a HIT! Apparently the plot revolves around super sexy Bruno adopting an African baby so he can "fit in" in Hollywood. He names this baby O.J. 'Nuff said.
The movie comes out in July, and I'm positive it's going to be a really funkyzeit!
Find my favorite Bruno moment below.

This Is Awesome!

It was only a matter of time...I introduce to you the ganja infused facebook - www.facebake.com
(cue the 2001 A Space Odyssey music)

P.S. At log-in, the site will automatically save your i.d. and password if you click on a link titled "I'm Probably Going To Forget This" - Genius.

Poopovers

Send Popovers as Gifts

Click here to send fresh popovers from Popover Cafe to your friends via Tigerbow. Absolutely no physical address required!

I saw the add above while perusing Facebook tonight...I have 2 issues with it...
First of all, that "popover" looks more like a "poopover". Whoever came up with this stroke of advertising genius should be fired - immediately.
Second of all, how exactly can I order one of these doodyball delights for my friends without providing anyone with an actual physical address? Yet another brilliant idea in action from the executatives at the Feces Food Factory (gag)!
Has the world gone mad??

Jolly Well Done

Like most American's, I first became really aware of Russell Brand when I saw him in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (didn't like that movie too much the 1st time 'round, but that might have had something to do with the story line being awkward in regard to the company that I was watching it with...I won't get too into that here, suffice it to say, I liked it more on the 2nd go when watching it solo).
Anyway, back to Mr. Brand...I caught him a few times on Letterman and was instantly won over by his charm and cheekiness. He looks like a total freak and always leaves some section of pubic hair delinquently exposed but he uses words like "scullery" and "erudite"! How delightfully contradictory!
Having heard that he released his international best seller here in the U.S., I could not deny the urge to be a good American consumer and buy it immediately. It's called "My Booky Wook" (there he goes, being all pert again), and it's very hysterical and refreshingly honest. From recounting drug induced moments in his life when his brain reminded him of his "anus full of heroin", to questioning "what would Hitler do in this situation?", the book(y wook)'s got it all...and more.
Long live Russell Brand, and long live the Queen.

Mini Mose!

Happy News wishes a VERY Happy Birthday!!! to someone* very special who has never even read this bloooooog. We all love her anyway though.
Today also marks our 25th Anniversary - we met, fell in love, and became BFF's all in one brief, sparkling instant at Lennox Hill Hospital. Yay!
So, if you have her number, bump into her on the street, or are friends with her on facebook, go write something nice on her wall.



*Mini Mose

Drunk Texts

Are we becoming a generation of fall-on-the-floor drunks? Do we have less self-control than all the people that came before us?
Or, is it that we're all drunk on technology and have become so reliant on it that we can no longer think rationally for ourselves and instead need computers, cell phones and internet service providers to make the "tough" decisions for us?
A few months ago, someone told me about Gmail's new "drunk" feature - aka Mail Goggles - that prevents you from sending that embarrassing "i stilll oove you letss gt back togtre!" drunk-email to some person you dated an awkwardly long time ago by presenting you with a series of mathematical equations to solve before sending.
I haven't personally tried it, but being that I have paralyzing problems with multiplication and division I'm sure it would work like a charm on me.
Undoubtedly, it would be much more useful if these Goggles came in text message form, right?
Absolut Vodka has decided to prevent us from making total fools of ourselves, and has taken Google’s Goggle (say that 10 times fast) idea one step further with their “Text The Moment” campaign:

Heading out for the night? Got your wallet? Check. Keys? Check. Cell phone? Definitely check.

But, before you leave the house, ABSOLUT wants you to put your cell phone to good use by sending yourself a Recognize the Moment text message reminder.

'Text the Moment' is a simple way to plan ahead so you can be sure to drink responsibly. Just enter your mobile phone number, write a short message to yourself and schedule a delivery time. It may be just the reminder you need to remember to order water throughout the evening, or to hold off on dialing your ex at 2 o'clock in the morning.

So go on, text away...

Ok, I understand that Absolut is a company that pushes alcohol to the public, so they feel some sort of obligation to tell us about “responsible drinking” (what’s that?).
But really, if you need to set up a text message for yourself to tell you to get a glass of water instead of another red bull-vodka, then I’m pretty sure you have a problem. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if that problem is with alcohol or your blackberry.
And just to keep this on the more light-hearted side, I present you with a phenom. little animated short about our generation's inability to actually communicate with one another without the use of some sort of electronic device - Text Your Way To Love...enjoy, you little sexty (get it? sex + text) beasts, you.

Breaking Happy News

You Can Suck My Blood, Edward

There's no real good way to start this post...I've been trying to find the most un-embarrassing angle with which to approach it, but amazingly enough I've come up with absolutely NOTHING. Alright, so brace yourselves, I'm just going to come out with it...Ready? Steady? GO!
I LOVE THE TWILIGHT SAGA!
OMG, there I said it. What a huge sense of relief!
I don't know how many of you out there have dabbled in the steamy, sexual tension filled, Mormon vampire books (I'm sure there are more of you out there than you'd like to think), but if you haven't, in all honesty, you're missing out.
Listen - don't get me wrong - I like reading Richard Yates, Cormac McCarthy and Marcel Proust just as much as the next mid-twenties intellectual, but there is a time and a place for trashy, overly dramatic, poorly written books about a teenage vampire/human/werewolf love triangle!
And while I haven't seen the movie yet (yes, I will see it when it comes out on DVD on March 17th), I can tell you right now...there is also most definately a time and a place for a man called Robert Pattinson aka Edward. He's a bonafide dream boat (see the girls swooning in the picture above?), and just to drive this point home, I've decided to include a snippet of a conversation between me and another too-old-to-like-Twilight, Edward-obsessed friend of mine:

me: and, btw - robert pattinson makes my pulse race. is that his name? pattinson? patterson?

anonymous: pattinson i think

me: he is so hot

anonymous: he is unbelievably gorgeous... he looks so rugged, and he's a bad ass vampire. he's also a musician in his spare time...ah...love him!!

So, because I haven't really found anything else in the news that's really made me that happy today, I thought - why not call myself out, embarass myself a bit, and let the world (by world I mean the 4 people that read this blog) know that I ♥ Twilight and have a little-girl crush on a big movie star?!
Now, GO READ TWILIGHT!

Someone Get Sam Jackson On The Mutha-F*ckin Phone!

I'm surprised New Line Cinema hasn't slapped this guy with a fat lawsuit yet...he totttallly ripped off their movie!
In 2006 we were exposed to and caught Snakes On A Plane fever. In 2009 some douchebag in Australia seems to still be suffering from a really acute case of it. An unnamed 24 year old tried to smuggle a bag full of snakes and lizards onto a flight from Australia to Thailand this past weekend.
But, in an unscripted turn of events, he got caught before he even made it to the plane...idiot put the reptile-filled bag through the XRay machine! C'mon! It would have been so much more entertaining if he went airborne. Someone get the manager, I want my $12 back!
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot this isn't the movie starring Sam Jackson, this is real life stupidity.

"You Got It, Duuuuude"

Not to be mean, but I don't like the Olsen twins. Never understood the fascination there. Is it because there are 2 of them and they're little and blond? What's the deal? I didn't even like them when they were on Full House...did their little monkey faces freak nobody else out as a child?? (please see picture above)
Alright, even though I'm not of a fan of theirs, I am a huge fan of the clothes they make.
The Row is filled with simple, neatly cut, smart pieces - from perfect (but outrageously expensive) white tshirts to very nicely constructed banded pencil skirts with a sexy zipper down the butt...it's all lovely.
And now I've found their "cheap" "sportswear" line, Elizabeth and James. I'm not sure why they advertise it as cheap or sporty - it is neither. However, it is quite nice, and it did make me happy. Especially the black Tube Dress - willy wizards* is that a fine piece of work...
And if there's anyone out there who feels like getting yours truly a little gift for no reason at all, I wouldn't be unhappy with this ring (size 6)...
A girl can dream, right?

*A.B.Bunzl

Poop - It's What's For Dinner

Ummm...I think there's a line drawn in the sand between the appropriate, adventurous dining experiences, and the inappropriate...and I think that in this particular instance, we've crossed that line. Let's be serious - the owners of this CHAIN (i can't believe it's a chain!) of restaurants in Taiwan have people eating out of mini-toilets and drinking out of teeny tiny urinals. What sickos! Even children - pee and poop champions! - are turned off...

"There's poop everywhere! Y-u-c-k," says 6-year-old Jordan Lien as he and his family dine at the Modern Toilet, a popular Taiwanese restaurant chain that's expanding into China and other parts of Asia. The boy was looking at the poop-shaped lights and dish covers and the curry on toilet-shaped plates.

Poopy lamps!?!? Gag me with a spoon and tell me this restaurant will NEVER make it's way over to these parts...pretty pretty please with a turd on top.

Mista Sheffield, There's A Cow Awn Tha Turnpike!

It looks like the Douglas' from the 1960's TV show Green Acres could have found a happy compromise if this place had been around back then.

While farm livin' was the life for him, she just adored a pent house view...or so the song went...

Anyway, I'm sure they would've settled for Queens, right?

As soon as the snow/ice/disgusting salt-slush grossness melts away, I'll be taking a trip out to Queens County Farm to see if it's really as cool as I think it is. 

I Mooo New York.

I Ain't No Wuss, But...

I would NOT feel very comfortable taking a walk across this mural. Seriously, I feel dizzy just looking at it. Despite my mild fear of heights, I've gotta say...this is WAY cool.

Flipper's A Flamer

Holy smokes, Batman! This is the best freak-of-nature news to hit the animal kingdom since the elusive, and as it turns out not so fantastical, unicorn was spotted in Italy (of course) a few months ago! There's a pink dolphin in Louisiana! A PINK DOLPHIN! How absolutely fantastic is that?
I couldn't be much happier right now. Check it out, dudes!
By the way, the telegraph.co.uk must have a whole staff division dedicated to finding mystical creatures of yore. What's next - an Orc?

"Mr. Pepall, every day is now casual Friday for you..."

Excerpt from "Memo From the CEO" by Patricia Marx

The “Don’t Leave Your Coffee Cups on Joan Fulenwider’s Desk: It’s Not a Trash Can (Well, It Kind of Is!)” rule will remain in place, although, as of next week, Ms. Fulenwider will not. We are all sad to see Ms. Fulenwider go, but can we agree that this is a blessing in disguise, since, clearly, it is now or never for her as far as starting a family goes? Good luck, Joan, and kindly return the stapler on your way out.

Patricia Marx wrote one of my favorite books of 2008...aww, screw it...of EVER! If you haven't read "Him Her Him Again The End of Him" yet (especially if you're a girl who has dealt with her share of selfishness and narcissism on the behalf of her adored - and let's be honest, ladies, who hasn't?) then you absolutely have to tack it onto your summer reading list. You won't be sorry.
In the meantime though, Ms. Marx has written a short piece for the New Yorker's Shouts and Murmers section this week, and it's very funny.
Right or wrong? - The employees at AIG only wish they got a similar memo this morning.

What A Crane In The Ass

No, that picture wasn't doctored. And yes, the crane was really THAT tall. I should know...I lived across the street from it for months! With every gust of wind it would lean a little closer to our living room windows...scary biz.
But don't worry - if it ever had decided to make a grand entrance (and by "grand entrance" I mean demolishing the place), that monster-crane would have been met by a very friendly welcome committee of myself, my mother, the zoo and a brand-spankin' new homeowners insurance policy! PARTY!!
On a very happy note, that crane is finally gone...we can all breathe easier now...aaah.

Silly White Folk

I'm having a non-birthday birthday party tonight and I feel like crap. Recipe for disaster. Luckily, I stumbled upon this website and it made me hopeful and happy. Like really, really happy.
Whoever's behind this blog is genius, and I don't care if I just called myself out as a huge white dork!
Every entry is so right-on it's almost spooky.
Take a look at what i mean...
Stuff White People Like :
#62: Knowing What's Best For Poor People
#71: Being The Only White Person Around
#102: Children's Games As Adults *
#105: Unpaid Internships *
Check out StuffWhitePeopleLike for a good time...HIGHLY suggested.

(*=guilty)

Little Nutjob

I'm torn. Half of me wants to give this kid a fresh one right across his little rosy cheek and the other half wants to embrace him in a big bear hug and give him an affectionate noogie.
While creeping me out and making me feel mildly concerned, he also gained my respect for at least being the most articulate conservative I've heard for a while...oh yeah, he's 13.
T.G.I.F., have a drink - relax - it's the weekend!

Oh, Docta! What Good News!

Guys, this is Awesome! A study just came out stating that caffeine has protective powers against skin cancer!!! Ding Ding Ding Ding!
I am so glad that I jumped on the coffee bandwagon last year right now.
And, to top the greatness off, my very own dermatologist, Dr. Albert Lefkowitz is quoted in the study (though he's the debby downer who says that, "while this is an interesting concept that has been explored before, it will take years of extensive testing to determine whether this will be a worthwhile prevention method")...whaaa-whaaa.
Ok, off i go to brew up a pot a joe.

Dotty's Car Is Dead

Ok. The PT Cruiser. Who actually liked this car? Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?
But seriously, this car is by FAR the fugliest automobile to ever come off the assembly line.
My high school dean had one that made me want to barf for the last few months of my senior year. It haunted me. And then a few years ago during spring break in SOBE, some friends and I had the pleasure of renting a silver (?) PT Cruiser CONVERTIBLE!!! Oy, the horra!
So, what I'm sure will be the BEST news of today is this....the PT Cruiser - eye-sore of the century - is DEAD!
In other news, if you do decide to read the article, how creepy is that "reptilian" Dr. Clotaire Rapaille character? A total freak show...
Byebye PTC!

Do the Dew

I dont like Mountain Dew or Pepsi toooo much, but I do like real sugar a lot more than HFCS (high fructose corn syrup)!!
PepsiCo has decided to try re-integrating sugar into our soda's with these "throwback" pop's. Pretty neat!
Come the summer time, I'm sure I'll learn to do the dew...
Thanks, Rach.

Auf Deutsch, Die Brücke

The Neue Galerie is the jump-off. Aside from being exquisitely beautiful itself, it's also home to some really lovely art. Sadly, I haven't been back for a couple of years but after seeing this in the Times, I have no more excuses.
I'd never heard of the "Brücke" movement before, but I'm pretty sure it's fab already...

"The Brücke artists were among the Peter Pans of Modernism. They refused to grow up or pipe down. Their art had a palpable Dada swagger before Dada, but their dreams had not yet been trammeled by World War I. Theirs was still a fairly cheerful barbarism. They were wary of the alienation and fragmentation of city life. At least until they relocated to Berlin in 1911, they thought they could regain what was good and natural if they just took off their clothes, danced around a bit and made art. Their idea of a good time was a communal painting session using several nude models who didn’t assume static poses, but lounged or cavorted at will."

Sh****t, they came with that Dada swagger before Dada!!! Oooooh.
I can't wait to head to 86th and 5th to catch the show. And one HUGE plus - Cafe Sabarsky, which is located in the Galerie. The food and the coffee is next-level.
Glücklich!!

So What's The Deal With Marriage?

It's rare for me to come across an episode of Seinfeld that I haven't seen at least once, but I know some people who are even more well-versed than I in the series (we all know who they are), and I can only aspire to be like them one day...kind of...
Anyway, Jerry's back! And this time, instead of bachelorhood, he's tackling married life in a new REALITY series!!! Huh??? Let's just hope our boy doesn't end up in the Kardashian house...yuck.
Mr. Seinfeld had this to say,

"After nine years of marriage, I have discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich."

I realllly hope that the first episode sheds some reality light on the marital woes of Kramer and Newman. That would just rock my world.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Click the icon below and see if you can hear the high-pitched, obscenely annoying sound that comes leaking out of your computer speakers.
Apparently it can only be audibly detected by people younger than 25...but I heard it and I didn't appreciate it.
What I did appreciate though was that I can still hear things that only the young are supposed to hear!
FAR OUT!

Created by Train Horn

Doggie Envy Lab Report

I have 2 dogs - they are the absolute best, most brilliant, insanely smart dogs to have ever existed...ever. Obviously.
Anyway, since I have 2 I've always wondered if one can ever really be jealous of the other...like jealous-jealous.
In order to come to some sort of conclusion, I performed a good old fashioned experiment...

Doggie Envy Lab Report
Purpose: To determine if dogs can be jealous or envious of one another.
Hypothesis: Dogs can be jealous of one another.
Materials: 2 miniature long-haired dachshunds (O and L), 1 bag of baa-baa-q's, 1 adoring owner (J)
Procedure: Took a single baa-baa-q from bag. Gave said bbq to 1 dachshund (L), who started gnawing and enjoying. Other dachshund (O) looked on in what appeared to be disbelief. O then turned attention to aforementioned adoring owner (J). Expression turned from disbelief to anger and finally to absolute disgust. O proceeded to fly into what can only be described as a "Jealous Rage" (mad barking, drop-kick attempt on L, "fake-out" technique used as distraction, frantic and spontaneous attempts at biting through Adoring Owner (J)'s achilles tendon).
Conclusion: Dogs can be jealous of one another.

ScienceDaily is backing me up on this! I'm a bonafide SCIENTIST, guys!!!

Gordon Who? Oooh, Gordon Voidwell!

It makes me happy when my friends are doing well in life.
It should make you happy too.
Check out Gordon Voidwell - it's impossible to get "White Friends" out of your head once you've heard it...I double dare anyone to try!
Addictif! (french accent)

Visit his page on myspace.com to hear the off-the-hookness...my computer's being disagreeable.

www.myspace.com/gordonvoidwell

Day Glow My Heart

Usually I'm a simple girl when it comes to my apparel color-schemes. I like black and white. Sometimes I'll throw in a little grey, but just to accent my monotone uniform.
But recently, something funny started to happen - I felt myself being pulled to....NEONS! At first I was like "Wha happened?", and I tried to fight the electric urge with all my might.
And then, as most stories like this go, I ended up in Miami and my battle with the neon was lost in an instant when I laid eyes on a hot pink racer-back tank from Alexander Wang.
I know fashion week was a little while ago, but I didn't really take any notice of it...until now.
Apparently, the neon epidemic has spread like wild fire with everyone from Narciso to Marc diving headfirst into the looney bin.
And while I'm sure that there are those of you out there who can't help but want to scream "isolate him, isolate him!" (Outbreak style), I've just gotta say I've been bitten by the neon bug and i loooovvvvveeee it.
Happiness.
P.S. this post would not have been made possible without the lime green support and hot pink guidance of Liana KG.

Eat Like An Eagle

Fantastic! The Kid's back...and digging into Eric Ripert at Le Bernardin.
David Fishman is a 12 year old aspiring food critic and a fellow Fieldston Eagle...seriously, I can only hope I have a kid as precocious as he is one day.

“My first bite was of a plump Kumamoto oyster with green apples, a taste of fish and ocean united with sour apples and earth. The fabulous flavors battled long in my mouth. The second, oyster with shiso mint, was dizzying, but my favorite was oyster in ponzu sauce.”

He said the flavors battled long in his mouth! How very 19th century of him...little schmucko.
And that was just a TASTE of his critiqqquuueee...check out more here.
Bete'avon, suckas.

Koopa Troopas Come Back (Again)

Someone gave me a Nintendo DS for my birthday a few years ago - one of the funkiest gifts I've ever recieved - and I could NOT put it down for weeks! Between that BrainAge game and my all time fav. Princess Peach, I spent a lot of waking hours thinking to myself "Just one more level and then I'll put it down"...ugh - my eyes feel dry and bloodshot even thinking about it.
So, just when I seem to have gotten over that sunlight deprived phase of my life, and my quickie Wii obsession, they pulllll me back in (Al Pacino as Michael Corleone voice).
The Nintendo DSi is coming out soon (April-ish) and I'm just glad it's not this cool, and instead, only this cool.

Holy Calamity Scream INSANITY!

This is waaaayyyy cool. I can see this fishy's brain!!

Freak Fish.

Fatty Crab! (Happy Face!)

I've been crab fishing once in Maryland when I was young. We went out on a teeny tiny boat with a lot of raw, juicy, cubed beef for the little suckers to claw onto. After the terrifying experience of rowing back to shore while a few of them crawled around the floor snapping their pinchers in protest, we killed them and made them into crab cakes!! Finga lickin' good!
Though it doesn't look like this place will be serving any run-of-the-mill crab cakes, I CANNOT wait to get down with a whole bunch of stuff on their menu. And it's got the BEST name ever...who doesn't want to just shout out, "Let's go down to Fatty Crab!"???
Plus....UWS hood. Yay!

Addendum :
Rachel: btw though, fatty crab has existed downtown for a long time
me: oh crap. thanks for the info

Rachel: ya, you may want to revise

me: i'll have to addendum that bitch
Rachel: but that's really exciting that it's coming uptown!! UWS is on fira. fire (but pronounce FYE-YA).

Slap the Butcha!

Everyone's favorite Triple Threat - Mr. G!
Let the LOL's and ROTFL's begin!

...But Liquor is Quicker

My dear friend Sarah (the Happy Chef) just told me about something that made me REALLY happy...
It's called Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka, and it sounds just lovely!
Despite my eastern-European Ashkinaz heritage, there seems to be a down-home Southern girl deep within me. Maybe that's why vodka spiked tea sounds so idyllic.
Here's an excerpt from the article in the NYTimes :

“We wanted to be the Jack Daniels of vodka,” he said. “I couldn’t think of anything more Southern than Sweet Tea Vodka.”

The drink made its debut last April. By September, it was sold in 12 states. By March, they hope to reach all 50 states. “I was shocked by how fast it was going,” said Mr. Newitt, who declined to provide sales figures because, he said, other distilleries are planning their versions.

Indeed, Burnett’s Vodka, from Kentucky, unveiled its own sweet tea vodka last month.

For Firefly Distillery, the South is a source not only of inspiration but ingredients. The vodka is distilled, in part, from wine of muscadine grapes, native to Southern states. Some of the tea that is infused in the vodka, after sugar is baked into the leaves, is grown on the Charleston Tea Plantation, about five miles from the distillery.

Firefly introduced new flavors this month, including peach, lemon and mint. But sweet tea loyalists question whether the distillery’s luck will repeat itself.

Drink up folks!

Something's Out There

The ones who know me well know all about my deep love for one Gordon Shumway - aka A.L.F.
When I was a little girl I was craaazy obsessed. A.L.F. is featured in every school picture of mine from nursery school up 'till 2nd grade. We were so cool together - the intergalactic bonnie and clyde of elementary school.
Anyway, I love aliens and I really hope that one day they come down for a visit. Who knows - maybe I'll even be able to hitch a ride to Melmac and hang out with TONS of A.L.F's! Far out!!
That's why this piece of news made me Happy...
It's a long article, so I'll save you some time an aggravation and just tell you that Alan Boss from NASA is convinced that there is at least one Earth-like planet rotating around every star in the Milky Way - or something like that...TBH, I got too excited to finish reading it.
YAY! Three cheers for the possibility of life on other planets!

Candy is Dandy...

This kid would totally be my idol if he hadn't got slapped with 2 counts of felony...

MIDDLETOWN, Ohio - An Ohio teenager allegedly tried to pull off a sweet deal by ordering more than $37,000 of candy online and charging the bill to his former high school.

Police say the 18-year-old used a Middletown High School purchasing number to place orders for thousands of lollipops and candy bars from Michigan-based The Goodies Factory. It wasn't clear how he accessed the number.

Even though I know that theft is "wrong" I can't help but smile when the stolen objects of desire can melt in your mouth.
Yay for Candy!

A Brief What's What...

In these crazy times we live in, it seems like there's just no news that's good news.
We've got an economy in a virtual free-fall over here, North Korea and Iran flexing their nuclear muscles over there, and now Spain might be going bankrupt! SPAIN!
Well I'm sick of it, people. I want some good news - some Happy News - once in a while...you feel me?
So, from here on out I'm seeking only the sunniest, most sugar-coated, smile-so-big-it-hurts-your-cheeks type of stories and I'll be sharing all my high-spirited finds here...at Happy News.
Enjoy!

Tobias Funke Just Blue Himself

So our old friends over in Arrested Development land finally got their sh*t together and....YAY! They're making a movieeeee!!!!
check it out....on IMDB and everything...totally legit.