Breaking Happy News

You Can Suck My Blood, Edward

There's no real good way to start this post...I've been trying to find the most un-embarrassing angle with which to approach it, but amazingly enough I've come up with absolutely NOTHING. Alright, so brace yourselves, I'm just going to come out with it...Ready? Steady? GO!
I LOVE THE TWILIGHT SAGA!
OMG, there I said it. What a huge sense of relief!
I don't know how many of you out there have dabbled in the steamy, sexual tension filled, Mormon vampire books (I'm sure there are more of you out there than you'd like to think), but if you haven't, in all honesty, you're missing out.
Listen - don't get me wrong - I like reading Richard Yates, Cormac McCarthy and Marcel Proust just as much as the next mid-twenties intellectual, but there is a time and a place for trashy, overly dramatic, poorly written books about a teenage vampire/human/werewolf love triangle!
And while I haven't seen the movie yet (yes, I will see it when it comes out on DVD on March 17th), I can tell you right now...there is also most definately a time and a place for a man called Robert Pattinson aka Edward. He's a bonafide dream boat (see the girls swooning in the picture above?), and just to drive this point home, I've decided to include a snippet of a conversation between me and another too-old-to-like-Twilight, Edward-obsessed friend of mine:

me: and, btw - robert pattinson makes my pulse race. is that his name? pattinson? patterson?

anonymous: pattinson i think

me: he is so hot

anonymous: he is unbelievably gorgeous... he looks so rugged, and he's a bad ass vampire. he's also a musician in his spare time...ah...love him!!

So, because I haven't really found anything else in the news that's really made me that happy today, I thought - why not call myself out, embarass myself a bit, and let the world (by world I mean the 4 people that read this blog) know that I ♥ Twilight and have a little-girl crush on a big movie star?!
Now, GO READ TWILIGHT!

Someone Get Sam Jackson On The Mutha-F*ckin Phone!

I'm surprised New Line Cinema hasn't slapped this guy with a fat lawsuit yet...he totttallly ripped off their movie!
In 2006 we were exposed to and caught Snakes On A Plane fever. In 2009 some douchebag in Australia seems to still be suffering from a really acute case of it. An unnamed 24 year old tried to smuggle a bag full of snakes and lizards onto a flight from Australia to Thailand this past weekend.
But, in an unscripted turn of events, he got caught before he even made it to the plane...idiot put the reptile-filled bag through the XRay machine! C'mon! It would have been so much more entertaining if he went airborne. Someone get the manager, I want my $12 back!
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot this isn't the movie starring Sam Jackson, this is real life stupidity.

"You Got It, Duuuuude"

Not to be mean, but I don't like the Olsen twins. Never understood the fascination there. Is it because there are 2 of them and they're little and blond? What's the deal? I didn't even like them when they were on Full House...did their little monkey faces freak nobody else out as a child?? (please see picture above)
Alright, even though I'm not of a fan of theirs, I am a huge fan of the clothes they make.
The Row is filled with simple, neatly cut, smart pieces - from perfect (but outrageously expensive) white tshirts to very nicely constructed banded pencil skirts with a sexy zipper down the butt...it's all lovely.
And now I've found their "cheap" "sportswear" line, Elizabeth and James. I'm not sure why they advertise it as cheap or sporty - it is neither. However, it is quite nice, and it did make me happy. Especially the black Tube Dress - willy wizards* is that a fine piece of work...
And if there's anyone out there who feels like getting yours truly a little gift for no reason at all, I wouldn't be unhappy with this ring (size 6)...
A girl can dream, right?

*A.B.Bunzl

Poop - It's What's For Dinner

Ummm...I think there's a line drawn in the sand between the appropriate, adventurous dining experiences, and the inappropriate...and I think that in this particular instance, we've crossed that line. Let's be serious - the owners of this CHAIN (i can't believe it's a chain!) of restaurants in Taiwan have people eating out of mini-toilets and drinking out of teeny tiny urinals. What sickos! Even children - pee and poop champions! - are turned off...

"There's poop everywhere! Y-u-c-k," says 6-year-old Jordan Lien as he and his family dine at the Modern Toilet, a popular Taiwanese restaurant chain that's expanding into China and other parts of Asia. The boy was looking at the poop-shaped lights and dish covers and the curry on toilet-shaped plates.

Poopy lamps!?!? Gag me with a spoon and tell me this restaurant will NEVER make it's way over to these parts...pretty pretty please with a turd on top.